It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize