come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
