Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize