I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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