so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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