none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
