ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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