Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
