I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize