You're so nebulous sometimes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
