Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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