Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
