Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
