Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
