3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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