I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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