So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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