yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
