I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
