Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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