i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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