do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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