you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
