I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
