i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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