is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
only you would photoshop your dick
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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