I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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