i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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