Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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