Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
