So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
