My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
