If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
