I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
