Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
