Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
