as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
