at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
