3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
