why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
