His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
