Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
