Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Randomize
