I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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