It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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