what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
