oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
