No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
