What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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