Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
