You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
