I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
