i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
