I puked a lego.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
