On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
