Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
