***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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