no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
