Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
