I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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